Debts and regrets

I did a lot of dumb things. I did drugs, stole, tased someone, I smoked in my apartment. I never considered myself dumb, just misguided. I guess I was seeking attention. Risk-taking behaviour. I was trying to escape from a life I didn’t like. I had no reason not to like it. In fact, it was selfish and ungrateful of me. I realize that all now. Mistakes are to be made. 

I guess that’s the interesting part about life. You can alter aspects of it to better yourself. Or you can destroy it. The choice is yours. Maybe the reason I didn’t like my life was because of what I was doing. Vicious cycle-like. I’m different now, though. Everything is different. That was all years ago and I’ve paid my dues. I had to find out, for some reason, what it was like to do all that. Honestly, I’m just happy to be alive.

Growing up

It’s raining today and the air is thick and dark. It’s morning, of course I’m up. The year is mostly over. I lost a few friends this year. I can’t help but reflect. Friends always come and go, I’m used to that by now.

The tables get flipped as fast as we clean them. You know how this works. By now, I’ve learned so many lessons the hard way. It only strengthened me. I came so far. The work I put in paid off. I’m 33 years old. And finally growing up. 

It’s weird because in school, I was smart. Somehow sadness took over that. Sadness has a way of taking over things.