Blessings

Maybe the reason I wrote this blog was to explain myself. I wanted to be clear about the truth. I wanted to defend myself. It’s not that I care about people understanding but my side of the story is important. I didn't mean for Jesse to die, it just happened.

On the patio today, running my section, I thought about all the things I’m grateful for: my job, all my new friends I met there, the staff party coming up on Monday, where I get to see everyone in their street clothes. I am counting down the hours. I think about my apartment, beautiful and safe. I don’t think I’ll ever get robbed there. I think about my parents, my cousins. How lucky I am to have them. I think about how privileged I am to be a Canadian; how much that means to me is unmeasured. I count each and every small and large blessing that was given to me and I cry and thank god.

July

Through the screen I see fireflies in the garden. My mother says they’ve been there for 6 weeks but I haven’t noticed them til now. My favourite song is about drowning and my nightmares are of getting robbed. I’m in a hospital, all the pictures I’ve ever taken are spilling from a box on the floor as I’m trying to collect them. I wake up to the same thing every morning.