Story time

One time, a girl I went to middle school with came to my restaurant and I served her party. Her sister was there. Her sister asked what my sister was doing now because they used to be friends. I had to report to this table of 4 that my sister was dead now. I never saw them again. 

I think about this interaction now and it makes me sad. I had to tell this little girl the truth, though. Life hurts.

21

This August 2nd, it will be 21 years since my little sister Emma was killed in a car accident. I was in the car accident. My mom’s mom, my grandma, fell asleep at the wheel driving us home from the cottage and we smashed into another car driving in the opposite direction on the highway in Quebec.

My sister was a classic. She was really, really funny. We spent a lot of time at Chapters in our youth. I am thankful for having known her. She was 13.

One time, at work, my colleagues found out about her death. “I was born in 2005,” my co-worker said, “Maybe I’m her reincarnation!” It was the coolest thing anyone has ever said to me in regards to her death.

I like to think she haunts my restaurant. I think of my life. I am lucky to be alive. 🍀

Someday

Two houses, no people. My sheets smell like bleach. The least I can do is forget about you. I heard someone say, “I don’t date, I don’t do any of that.” And it becomes my mantra. 

Summers I’m most likely to think about my trauma. I think I’m healed. I don’t sit around crying anymore. I narrow my eyes. Or do I?

My to-do list includes working like a dog, changing into street clothes after my shift, and gazing into the infinite abyss as if this should all make sense to me someday.

If she fuck with me, she never fuck with you

How can there be justice for my friend Phil (Dip Black) who drowned? There can't be. Therein lies proof god doesn't fucking exist. That's some utter fucking bullshit, god. What a crock of shit, don't lie to my face. 

Redundant

I kinda realize now my last post was redundant. My doctor didn't need to see me this time around. I won't see him for months now, til next year probably. I think it was a scheduling error. I'm annoyed I can't think of something cool to write about.

My parents are going to the cottage which is in Quebec. I don't know when I'll see them next. I'm okay with this. I need some time alone anyway. I work 11 a.m. - 3 p.m. today. I'm lowkey excited. It's Monday.

Abilification

It's my day-off. It's Monday. It's supposed to feel like 40° today in Ottawa. I have an Abilify shot planned at 9:00 a.m. at Le Montfort and a pointless meeting with my psyche doctor after so he can inquire if I have shot meth in the last month. Which of course, I haven't.

He always asks stupid questions like if I eat and sleep. Of course I eat and sleep. When I did drugs, I didn't tell him I was doing drugs and no one knew. Now everyone knows I used to do drugs. I'm okay with it. I think you should be honest about who you are.

At work, 3 teenagers walked out on their $200 bill. I served them 4 apps, 7 Budweisers, 3 shots of vodka and 3 mains. They "went out for a smoke" and never came back. What an insulting, ragamuffin thing to do. I should have known better, coming from Dunn's Market Deli.

Oh, well. That's the name of the game, folks! Now to enjoy the freedom of not having to serve for at least 48 hours.